By Andrea Lengyel 02/07/2009
It didn’t sleep in me either; it grabbed me and pushed me into an aquarium. It was full of shavings, dirt and thousands of hamsters were running on the never ending wheels around me. I was there, standing and watching and I couldn’t believe that this would be my life. A glass wall… being a slave… It’s said this is the experience, the experience of our souls. Some run on it from the right to the left, others backwards and others don’t run on it just sit in the corner. This kind of person feeds on from others. He is the homeless, the hamster… the hamster is You or what you were before. Yes, I was a desperate hamster. But then I found the answers for my questions and the aquarium little by little started to collapse to give room for the infinite space, fresh air and happiness. I grew wings and I started to fly.But how did this happen… I was fighting with Him. He was afraid of change, he literally did everything against it. I convinced him that being a hamster can’t be the meaning of life. Okay, he admitted this… But he grabbed me and pushed me to the point zero. He involved me to “the just enough game”. What is this? I’m sure you know it well, too. It comes right when it’s needed. Nothing more, nothing less. You are stressed and nervous until it’s there… when it comes you are like a dog with two tails. You are happy. You love this game. Do you want to get off? Because you get off. But many people don’t know this. Neither did I before… BUT many people don’t get off, neither did I. He just comes anyway, what if I wouldn’t even take him seriously, I mean, I wouldn’t even be stressed… Oh, he is coming and yes, HE IS TWEETING to my ears. I decided it’s enough! It can’t go on like this anymore, this is not a life. Though I’m already free, it’s marginal, because I got stuck in “the just enough game”. I decided to learn to breathe. Before I could apply for the course, it got activated! My purse got stolen with all my money, card, everything. That was the point I got fed up and decided to go to the course anyway. He was tweeting at the back of my mind, because I had forced him there. “You can’t do this, you can’t go, you can’t afford it…” It’s nonsense! And I went there. In 2 amazing days I learnt to breathe down there where he lives. I was seized with fear. He enforced the “just enough game” even more that he had taken me in. Thanks for the breathing I financially recovered and I could go to the SES. And here he was named. Virus, Mr. V. He doesn’t want you to realize that you are a beautiful angel. He just wants to feed up FROM YOU! And he wanted from me as well… Let’s see what has changed:
– First of all, my menstrual cramps stopped what helped me a lot. Mr. V. (as I call him) wanted to make me believe that I was a flawed woman. Woman? No, just something like that. But what kind of woman is that, who experiences her femininity and cleansing as an agony every month? Could a woman be glad of her femininity like that? Be glad of her holy womb? NO, SHE COULDN’T! Could a woman be happy for being a woman in spite of all these? Could she act like a woman, make love, make her partner happy with her femininity? NO, SHE COULDN’T! But after Mr. V. got exposed, this thing came to light as well. And little by little, as they got defined, all of them stopped. No more cramps! It was my first period sanctified with its own blessedness and love that was about what it should have been: about cleansing and femininity.
After I experienced the first wonder of my life, I realized there was no any problem, I was perfect and beautiful in my own way. I completely opened up for my partner and our intimate relations got a completely new perspective with completely new emotions. I can’t understand how the previous 7 years could be so empty. I live. We live, together in harmony and happiness. This was the most beautiful gift that happened after the SES.
– Let’s see what else happened. Every time I realize that it’s Mr. V. who is tweeting at the back of my mind, everything changes. The point is to recognize him in action! Recently I visited my clients, it was already evening and I had already been in 5 other places. I was traveling a lot. I was striding dead tired and I realized the address got misspelled in the bank. I got furious, I was cursing, I realized I was dead tired and the spiral began to whirl. YOU KNOW the spiral railway. You get on it and it takes you deeper and deeper. You sink into yourself and if you don’t wake up… You sink into yourself for sure and find yourself in a “fall aside” syndrome. Thanks for the SES I realized I’m not like this! I love my job, I like my client and I love that I don’t have to sit in an office whole day. A misspelled address, so what then? And my energy immediately came back. A smile came to my face and I was hopping to my dear client and just couldn’t wait to throw myself into the paperwork! Realize that Mr. V. is in action! And everything will change!
– I have been really sensitive to cold since I was a little baby. My parents took me home from the hospital in a big swaddle in mid April but I was crying. They didn’t have any idea what was wrong with me, since the weather was sunny with 20-25 degrees and I was dressed up. My mom covered me up with a blanket, and lo and behold, I stopped crying. I had this habit until the SES. Mr. V. loves when you are a wreck and pitiful. Because, when you are cold, you are in the middle of the attention in a place where this is nonsense. It’s unbelievable but I’m able to be cold even in a 25 degree room. A 100 degree sauna didn’t make me sweat. He feeds up, guzzles… from you because you are shivering, from others because they are around you – oh, how much he loves this… I realized he is a really big energy vampire. And then I upped and reset myself from 26-27 degree to 19-20 degree base temperature. Thereafter I didn’t feel the cold even when I was on the road whole day in minus 15 degrees. I don’t freeze in a room. I don’t need to be cherished nor covered up. And I don’t long for sauna. What is that big heat for?
– I reduced the numbers of my energy vampires. I broke off relations with one of my colleagues and also my mom got off. We didn’t lose touch she just can’t feed up so our conversations got neutral. My grandmother doesn’t blackmail me anymore and I visit her with good feelings. My roommate doesn’t affect me anymore. She whines and tries to find cracks with complaints in vain. I’m unshakeable and ignore all her attempts, so she goes back to her room.
– I remember when I went to the SES I hated the place a lived. I don’t remember its reason and I couldn’t even define the virus related to this, but it affected because the virus disappeared. I LOVE my little nook, I love my plants, I love as I can see the morning sunrise from my table, I love as little birdies come back and tweet in spring and I love as my orchid set to bloom by the morning sun. In my opinion, people don’t hate their surroundings, but the relation and the feelings that tie them there. And if You and your emotions change, You yourself will become important and not your surroundings! And if you are happy and live in harmony, everything is OK!
– One day I realized – this happened a week ago – though I got off from “the just enough game”, I sat down at the table of “let’s play minus” at the same time, where the game is about going through your savings. Realizing it I sank in myself. I became sad, ran a fever and had follicular tonsillitis within 1.5 hours or so. It was like the end of the world. You know if you don’t let Mr. V. live and always reveal him everywhere, he will come out like crazy and attack with a whole army. I was so sick I lied down and only thing I could do was breathing. Down deep to my stomach and I chose the safe space (you can learn about it at the SES). Safe space, balance. And then you are inviolable. I was just breathing for 1.5-2 hours then I fell asleep. The following day there was nothing wrong with me!
Two days ago I read this in a book: thrombosis and heart attack are the two illnesses what are not caused or prevented by something, but created by the mind! If you give up, the car goes downhill. Just breathe in the safety and the balance, choose consciously and you will see you recover from everything!
Photos: Tímea Thomázy – 1. Queen of the Beach, 2. Hydrangea